I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize