Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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