I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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