I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Bring me that man meat
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
