Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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