margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
