i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
