maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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