I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
