GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
