did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
