He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
