I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
