I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
