you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
