Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
