Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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