I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
