My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
