I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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