A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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