i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
