Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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