So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You smell like stripper and shame
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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