Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i love accidental penises.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
