The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
