If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
