She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
