I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
