ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
