Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
