is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
