At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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