I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
