The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
