How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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