dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
