You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
