Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
