I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
