dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Text me some of your sweat
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