my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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