I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
