i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
