i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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