I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
last night I used snow as a chaser
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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