Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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