Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
