Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
