I'm really into asian looking animals
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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