I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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