my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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