I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
no, he came in my armpit
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
40s are totally the cure
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
