Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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