I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
