You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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