Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
