Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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