Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
