You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
