I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
