I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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