How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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