At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize