hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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