Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
