he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
