Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
