I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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