I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
