There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I touched a dick in church today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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