He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
