areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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