Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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