It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
