What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
