The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
