guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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