Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
