his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
