That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
