a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
