Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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