No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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