I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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