Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
