Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
