im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
