did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
