I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
