I want to walk on stilts...naked
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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