shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
