it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
