I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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