he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
