I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
