my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
