i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
