He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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