The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
