I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
