I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
