she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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