Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a search helicopter?!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
