I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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