saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
