Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
